I am a deep feeler. Of the whole spectrum of emotions. Happiness, as well as loneliness, regret, and fear. My effectiveness in dealing with the negative emotions has been mixed over the years, but I’ve recently gained some clarity about this area that I would like to pass on. This list is by no means exhaustive, but I hope it may be helpful to some who find yourselves weighed down by negative emotions or may in the future.

1. Give yourself permission to feel your negative emotions

A mistake I have often made as a good Christian girl is to suppress my negative feelings because I deem them unacceptable. This anger/sadness/confusion is not okay, I tell myself. And telling myself that makes everything so much worse.

Negative emotions are not ideal, but the first step to healing is acceptance. I’m learning to not only acknowledge that I feel negatively, but to accept that that is where I am right now. It’s okay. We are imperfect humans. Acceptance is the first step to being able to let go and move forward.

Sometimes bad moods need to be rebuked or shaken off. Sometimes we just need to pause and take a deep breath. But some heartaches go deeper, and it takes a process to heal, to uncover the deep hurts, to learn to think in a new ways. God doesn’t condemn us amidst that process, but loves us through it. There is space for us to be not okay.

2. Name your emotions

I continue to be amazed at how freeing it can be to simply acknowledge, “I am angry.” Or, “I am afraid.” Writing down or speaking out my true feelings brings them out into the open in a way that makes them seem approachable. My fears are often exposed as manageable problems. My sorrows become something I can openly mourn. They become tangible problems I can solve. Or reflect on. Or pray through.

Without naming my emotions, they remain formless, elusive feelings that can rage through my body and my day, wreaking havoc. It’s important to take time to reflect on what specifically we are feeling. And why.

3. Introspection reaches a point of diminishing returns

However, as valuable as introspection is, its value does have a limit. Some problems can be solved by thinking, and some difficult situations can greatly benefit from our reflection. But other problems can’t. They are either too big, too complicated, too abstract, or too far off. And focusing on them will actually drain you of the energy you could be putting toward better things. I am the kind of person who likes to analyze a situation from every angle so I can understand it fully. But I’m learning that sometimes I need to let go of needing to understand. Sometimes it’s not my job to fix it.

Jesus never said to spend all your time worrying about your life. In fact, he said the very opposite: “Who by worrying can add a single day to your life?” (Luke 12:25). The call is to trust. It’s a counterintuitive choice. But it’s actually good for us. Trusting frees us to do the task in front of us, to take the next step.

4. Sometimes you need to just do something.

Sometimes instead of more thinking, we just need more doing. Take a shower. Cook a meal. Go for a run. Get your work done. Listen to the person in front of you.

One of the most serious dangers of negative emotions is their paralyzing nature. Confusion, fear, depression, and regret can weigh you down and make you feel stuck. But the truth is, they are just emotions. They will pass. They often aren’t even based on either fact or reality. It’s difficult to reason with emotions, so I’m learning to not waste my time trying. Instead, I make a choice to do something. Maybe it’s something that helped me before: yoga, listening to certain music, going for a walk, calling a close friend. Maybe it’s something new. Gardening. Skateboarding. I recommend something physical.

I’ve been amazed at how five-minute sessions of at-home yoga have brought me out of heavy, paralyzing funks. Simply because I’m forced to focus on my body and my breathing. Even amidst tears at the futility of what I am doing, my emotions calm down. It’s crazy. Truly. Try it. Getting out of our minds and into our bodies can be truly revolutionizing.

5. Turn toward God.

Even if all you can manage is a cry for help.

Speaking out the truth in the midst of doubt is powerful. Choosing thanksgiving in the midst of difficulty is powerful. Praising God and acknowledging who God is amidst the storms of life is powerful. Asking God for help and guidance is powerful. Because God is real, and He is God. When we are overwhelmed, God never is. He is never confused, discouraged, or lost.

Simply remembering that God is often completely shifts my perspective. Simply taking a moment to sit with God and remember how He has worked in my life up to this point can bring deep calm. It’s not all on my shoulders. It never has been.

When I don’t have words for my pain, I often turn to the psalms and begin reading them out loud. And I have learned that even tears can be prayers when they are done in God’s presence.

This post has been aimed toward the day-to-day experience of emotions like sadness, anger, and anxiety, but sometimes we find ourselves in particularly heavy seasons. If you are currently in a night that seems endless, I just want to say that Jesus sees and knows. And I pray that God would comfort you in the way only God can. God works through all sorts of avenues, including therapy, medicine, nature, physical activities, relationships, and more. But I believe the greatest comfort of all is God Himself. The Spirit’s presence. God’s personal reassurance. If your night seems endless, I pray that God would encounter you with His love and truth wherever you are today. May God bring rest and rejuvenation to your soul. And may God remind you and show you how precious you are to Him.

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You keep track of all my sorrows.
    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
    You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8

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