Several months ago, I shared about my struggles with obligation as a good Christian girl. I wrote, “Obligation killed my joy.” In the same post, I shared that God had promised to take me deeper into the JOY of serving.

He has. Here is some of my journey and what I’ve learned.

Disillusionment

I loved the movie Wonder Woman. For many reasons. But one moment that especially resonated with me was her moment of disillusionment. Near the end of the movie, Wonder Woman suddenly realizes that the people she has been working so hard to save aren’t perfect and maybe aren’t even good. She questions whether these people are worthy of her efforts. This superwoman has discovered her power, grown in confidence, and learned about her enemy, but this doubt undercuts everything:

Is it worth it?

It’s one thing to realize how powerful you are, that you have the power to defeat darkness. There is nothing like that epiphany of the Holy Spirit’s power in you. But there is always a cost to doing battle, even if you have superpowers.

Sometimes when the battle––or a life of serving––is no longer exciting or challenging to me, I have asked if it was worth it. I have poured myself out and asked if the cost was too high. The level of appreciation I received didn’t match the amount I had given. I felt heavy. I felt weary. I felt unseen. And I wasn’t sure how much more I had to give.

Was God really requiring this of me?

At times, I have felt immense joy and satisfaction in giving of myself. While up on stage leading a congregation in praise, quietly comforting someone in need, or fervently interceding in the secret of my bedroom, I have felt overcome by an indescribable feeling––being fully alive. Despite the energy, time, or dignity it cost me, I gave freely of myself, knowing this was what God created me for––to give, to love, to participate in God’s work. There is nothing comparable to the high I felt in certain moments of clarity.

But then tiredness has hit. Moments when I just didn’t have any more to give. Moments I questioned whether giving freely of myself was a sustainable lifestyle.

I wanted it to be sustainable, but it didn’t feel that way.

Well, one thing I know is that God doesn’t command us to do things we are incapable of. When He gives commands, He provides what we need to obey. God doesn’t call us to an unsustainable lifestyle. So, recently I’ve been searching out wisdom in how to give and serve out of joy long term. Here are four keys I have found so far:

1) Boundaries

More and more, I’m learning the importance of boundaries. Healthy boundaries allow me to give of myself without resentment. It’s important to know your needs and your limits, and to operate accordingly.

I’m an introvert, so I need alone time. I want to pursue a lifestyle that maximizes the amount of energy I have for people. But when I don’t have that energy, I say no. The fact is, we all have limits.

Putting boundaries around my time, my heart, and my relationships allows me to love more freely, live with more integrity, and serve more sustainably.

2) Time in the Secret Place

Our foundation always needs to be in the secret place. The bigger the tree, the deeper and stronger the roots under the ground. Otherwise, the tree would topple. Similarly, our hidden life should be just as strong, if not stronger, than our seen life. Our hidden root system is our secret time with God.

Whenever I start doing life as a series of activities rather than a journey in a relationship, my heart slowly tires until I eventually reach the point of weariness. A life of mere activities is not sustainable––that’s not how we were designed to thrive. We were created for relationship and love. This includes relationships with others and relationship with God.

Relationship with God means giving space to God to speak, to lead, to surprise. So often I fall back into “doing” prayer or “doing” worship, and my time with God becomes rote. I stop expecting God to be a part of the other parts of my day as well. I stop inviting God in.

Prioritizing relationship with God––continually giving God space to speak, lead, and surprise––is crucial to serving with joy. Serving with God, for God, and from God is vastly different than fulfilling a duty. It’s like night and day. Rather than taking on everything that is asked of us, we learn to discern what God is calling us to take on. Rather than getting weighed down with too much, we allow God to carry some of those burdens for us. Because we’re not alone. We’re part of a team. And we’re not even the most important member of the team, God is.

Living for God isn’t about grinding. It’s about receiving and then giving. Being filled and then overflowing. If we find ourselves empty, it means we need to go back to the Source.

3) Celebration

Sometimes in the midst of all our tasks and responsibilities, we forget to celebrate. Sometimes we begin to equate all spiritual activities with sacrifice and hard work, but we forget that celebration is an important part of life in God, too.

In Nehemiah 8, the people listen to the Book of the Law and realize how far they have fallen from God’s ways. They are grieved. They begin weeping. But strangely, Nehemiah tells them, “Don’t grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

While there is a time for grieving and mourning our shortcomings and failures, we aren’t supposed to stop there. We aren’t supposed to sit in the grief indefinitely. We aren’t supposed to sacrifice and die to ourselves for the sake of being dead. The grief is meant to give way to joy. And the sacrifice is meant to give way to true life.

Celebration helps make a life of devotion to God and others sustainable. Because JOY refreshes and rejuvenates us. The enemy likes to convince us to wallow in our mistakes, regrets, and fears. The enemy likes to convince us that being holy and spiritual means only suffering and hardship. But God invites us to turn from our mistakes, release our failures to Him, and receive from Him a much better portion: comfort, love, and JOY.

Sometimes all we need to do is turn to God and receive. God is ready and willing to fill us.

4) Flowing From Love

“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:2

Recently I was sharing my journey of disillusionment with someone who confronted me with a simple observation. “You’re forgetting about love,” they said. “You’ve counted the cost. Some people don’t, but you have. Now the only question is whether you’re willing to pay it out of love. It’s the same choice Jesus faced in the Garden of Gethsemane.”

I teared up as he said that. Because while I do believe that life is supposed to be easier than I sometimes make it for myself, I was confronted with the fact that life won’t always be easy. There will be a cost. Comfort is not the goal. The goal is being like Jesus. And Jesus gave it all in love.

Jesus had boundaries. He hid himself away on mountaintops when he needed to. He certainly guarded his secret time with the Father. But he also counted the cost and then made the sacrifice the Father set before him. For the JOY that awaited beyond that sacrifice, he said yes to pouring himself out.

Calling & Purpose

Sometimes I get wrapped up trying to figure out the puzzle of who I am and how I was designed to live. I want to know my calling and purpose in life. I want to fulfill it. Other times, I am afraid to face the lifestyle God may be calling me to, because I am afraid God will require too much of me.

But as I face some of the things God is calling me to step into, things that will cost something (though also probably make me feel alive), God reminds me,

It’s all about love. I am calling you to these things because I love my people, because I love my Name, and because I love you. Are you willing to choose love? Are you willing to deem the people I died for as worthy of your love?

As God asks, I already know I’m going to say yes to Him. Whatever the cost.

God came for me. God rescued me. God continually pours out His grace to me. God has promised an unending joy I’ve only just tasted. God has promised me a crown of glory. God knows and understands me better than I ever could. So I say yes to God. I say yes to being like Him. I say yes to love.